Sunday, October 20, 2013

Unreasonable Fear of Fatness

I have a very real, but unreasonable fear of being overweight.  Not just overweight, but obese, swollen, like a giant marshmallow, looking like I'm suffering from a permanent bad reaction to a bee sting. 

Unreasonable, because I'm fortunate enough not to have any physical health issues or restrictions that would prevent me from exercising and maintaining a healthy weight and attractive figure.
Unreasonable, because I've been thin, svelte, athletic, or moderately curvy for most of my life.  Unreasonable, because I'm genetically blessed and predisposed to having a small-medium frame.

But very real because I'm very lazy.  Very real, because in the last two years, I've gone from a curvy size 12 to a voluptuous size 16, and no one seems to have noticed but me.  People tell me that I look good, and no one notices or knows that none of my old clothes fit, because I'm wearing all new ones.

I'm about to retire from the Army within the next few months, and I really don't like exercising.  Truth is, I never have, but soon, very soon, I won't have to.  That's the rub.

As much as I know and appreciate the physical, emotional and psychological benefits of exercise and endorphins, and a healthy diet, I am not ever excited about any of it.  I'm rarely ever motivated to move more than necessary.  I'm kind of ashamed of that.

And worst of all, I don't want to be living a swollen life.  God help me. I've got to find my motivation.  Vanity is not it.

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